Couple's Retirement Puzzle

Positive Aging Conference

Hi all--First of all, we want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy 2010. Roberta and I recently attended the Positive Aging Conference at Eckard College, St. Petersburg, Florida. We presented an overview of our model from our upcoming book: The Couples Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life. Our book will be available in October, 2010.

The model was well received and we're looking forward to providing training for professionals as well as workshops and support groups for couples. We have a new website for our book: www.couplesretirementpuzzle.com.  We hope you'll sign up for our emails and updates on the book as well as resources and tips. As 2010 begins we plan more active blog posts and welcome your questions, comments and ideas.

Many individulas set up resolutions for the new year. It's also helpful for couples to set up goals and resolutions--to be accomplished this year--but it's also helpful to set up both short term and longer term goals. For example, as a couple--what goals do you have for the next 30 days? 90 days? 6 months? 9 months? a year?  It's not unusal for people to aim for big goals that can't actually be accomplished so quickly. We advocate breaking the goals down into little steps. There's a great sense of mastery when you're able to accomplish one little goal/step  at a time. We'd love to hear some of the goals you've begun to craft together as a couple.  Take care.  Dori Mintzer

A Courageous Move

For several years they have  gone back and forth, literally and figuratively. Gary's heart is in their Vermont home which Linda also loves. But her friends, social and professional life are in Boston. Now that LInda is approaching 60 and Gary turning 65, the tipping point has been reached and they are in agreement; the time has come. The details need to be worked out but the plan is to be in Boston a few days each week seeing clients and spending time with friends and family. The majority of their time,  however, will be in Vermont. Linda and Gary are not retiring in the traditional sense, they are moving towards what's next. They both want more simplicity and freedom to explore deeper, more creative aspects of themselves. It means selling a home as well as letting go of the way things have been in order to open the space for something different. It is a courageous lifestyle change, which after years of discussion, compromise and negotiation, is finally happening.

Many couples face the dilemma of where to live and what kind of lifestyle they want. It's not a decision made overnight but one that usually results from many conversations before coming to agreement. This can  take time. It's never too soon to begin the conversation. Lifestyle change in retirement transition often requires exploration and planning in advance. Whether it's staying in your home, downsizing into a condo, living on a boat, or moving to another country. It's time to talk!

Relish the transitions in your life-they will happen regardless

Most of us don't take messages in fortune cookies very seriously but can't resist them because every once in a while we find a gift. My husband and I had dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant last week. We were acknowledging the decision he made to retire from his most recent job. At the age of 68, he is looking forward to doing work that is more creative and fulfilling. The cookies and the check came and there it was, hidden away in that sweet, crunchy fold; "Relish the transitions in your life- they will happen regardless". Those words reminded us that this was indeed a transition which means letting go of what was to open the space for what's next. It reminded us that aging is a part of life with its own transitions and that having this moment in time is a gift indeed to be relished.

The Movie UP is a poignant and funny "must see" for all ages

I recently saw the Pixar movie UP with my son and husband --and recommend it for all ages. In its lovely, colorful, animated way it shows the journey of life from the innocence of childhood with its heroes and dreams to the second half of life with losses and disappointments.  We share in the dreams and sadness of childhood sweethearts, Ellie and Carl, as they grow old together. After Ellie dies, Carl, a 78 year old grumpy widower and former balloon salesman sets out to fulfill Ellie's dreams. In the journey that follows, in spite of himself, Carl becomes an "action hero" who has to confront his childood hero, connects with Russell (an Adventure Scout who wants to earn his badge by helping old people), Kevin, a colorful bird,  and Dug, a wonderful talking dog, and ultimately, finds his own connections and purpose and meaning for his life. I've over- simplified this, but it's well worth seeing! I'd love to hear your reactions once you've seen the movie.  

Starting the Conversation

We often teach what we most need to learn. It occurred to me one day while preparing a talk for a speaking engagement that my husband and I had never seriously talked about "what's next". We did finally meet with our financial advisor to review "what's left" and that was a necessary, if not discouraging, reality check. But I talk with couples all the time about those "must have" conversations and know how important it is. So what were we avoiding? Disagreement! I've finally discovered my life's work which I love. After retiring several times he is ready to leave the corporate world, do something more creative and satisfying and spend more time together. He would like to live in California, I don't want to leave friends and family in New England. Lots to talk about and we're finally doing it. It's not always easy but we're working towards aligning our goals and vision. In the process we are learning more about "who" we are and what's important to each of us at this time in our lives.

Welcome to our new blog

Bob Dylan was right-- times certainly are a-changing in many ways. This is especially true in regard to retirement issues and thinking about how to approach the second half of our life. Even the concept of retirement is changing--by choice or life circumstance. Hopefully we're all living longer and healthier and may choose to be in the work force in paid or unpaid work for a longer time. It's hard enough for an individual to make these decisions --and then becomes particularly challenging for couples. This blog is a chance to think together about the challenges couples face in preparing for this time of life. Have you begun to contemplate any of these issues? Have you started any of these conversations with your spouse or partner? We'd love to hear from you.