Couple's Retirement Puzzle

Book Review, The Couple's Retirement Puzzle, USAToday on-line, 11/28/2011

Check out the November 28, 2011, USAToday online review of our book by Kerry Hannon, a nationally acclaimed free-lance journalist who specializes in personal finance and retirement and author of her own book: What's Next? Follow Your Passion and Find your Dream Job.

As Hannon states, "Having someone to grow old with is great and helps defray stress. It frequently provides financial support, and, of course, a human bond that's priceless. But unless you have a general roadmap that you're both following, it can get pretty complicated. ..

Taylor and Mintzer hit on some key concerns ...and provide practical questions to get you started... (Their) mission is to present a strategy to start the conversations that help couples tackle some pieces of the puzzle. Most couples aren't going to agree on everything. But if you can communicate, you can find solutions....

Getting these hot-button topics out front is uncomfortable and awkward, but step-by-step, the two relationship coaches direct a thoughtful conversational process to ease you along...It's ultimately freeing to have these conversations about money matters and dreams, but lack of smooth communication tools trips us up. Simply put, it's hard to get started. Even when you do, it's easy to become frustrated and angry when your partner doesn't share your future goals...

The take-away: Couples need to start talking about retirement well before they get there, and reassess as circumstances change...Some people are better at it than others, but the authors promise if you practice being a good listener, are open to concessions and remember to share something positive that you learned about each other after each conversation, it will make the process a little easier."

To read the entire review go to USAToday on line: http://www.usatoday.com/money/books/reviews/story/2011-11-28/Couples-Retirement-Puzzle/51444298/1.

Book Review: Next Steps: A Practical Guide to Planning for The Best Half of Your Life

I recently read a book that I think is helpful for all of us as we plan for the next half of our own life or are helping our parents, in-laws or others plan for their lives. It's helpful for individuals and also particularly helpful for couples since they discuss many of the issues in relation to couples.  It's called Next Steps: A Practical Guide to Planning for the Best Half of Your Life--Trusted Advice on How to Secure Your Future and Avoid Costly Mistakes, by Jan Warner & Jan Collins. It's based on their nationally syndicated cloumn "Next Steps."

There are all sorts of reasons why many of us avoid discussing these issues. But, given my philosophy of trying to control the parts of life we can control,it's important for all of us to think ahead and plan for ourselves, our partner, our children (if we have them), our parents (if they're still alive) and even our pets. It's actually a form of "insurance" to protect ourselves and our loved ones--to consciously and intentionally plan for the next stage of our lives. Our up-coming book, The Couples Retirement Puzzle: The 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning  to the Second Half of Life focuses on many of the conversations that are important to have. This book, Next Steps, provides some legal and practical "nuts and bolts" regarding how to prepare for this next half of life.

Bottom line, in Next Steps, the authors discuss the importance of putting our wishes and directions in writing so there will be an "orderly transfer of authority" so we know that our partner, children, parents, and even our pets will be cared for. They cover issues such a putting together a team of people that is right for you, ways to understand and prepare the documents we need, and a lot of the "what ifs" in life--such as if you or your partner become chronically ill or incapacited. They also focus on issues such as health care planning, long term care issues, and understanding basic medicare and medicaid issues as well as basic patient's rights in assisted living and nursing home facilities. They also focus on issues such as divorce, 2nd or 3rd marriages when we're older, cohabitation and domestic partnerships. The final section of the book focuses on end of life issues such as funerals, burials, organ donations, planning for pets, etc. It's important to understand the issues and risks and choose professionals who can help us maximize our options. We're including this book as a resource in our book. I'm a believer that we can breathe more easily once we know that we've taken the time to prepare for some of the possible contigencies in life. My husband and I have already done many of the things they've mentioned in the book, and i found it helpful to become aware of some additional things. It's helpful reading for ourselves and also if we're in a caretaking role with any older relatives or friends. If you check the book out, we'd love to hear your thoughts. Take care.  Dori

Positive Aging Conference

Hi all--First of all, we want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy 2010. Roberta and I recently attended the Positive Aging Conference at Eckard College, St. Petersburg, Florida. We presented an overview of our model from our upcoming book: The Couples Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life. Our book will be available in Spring 2011.

The model was well received and we're looking forward to providing training for professionals as well as workshops and support groups for couples. We have a new website for our book: www.couplesretirementpuzzle.com.  We hope you'll sign up for our emails and updates on the book as well as resources and tips. As 2010 begins we plan more active blog posts and welcome your questions, comments and ideas.

Many individulas set up resolutions for the new year. It's also helpful for couples to set up goals and resolutions--to be accomplished this year--but it's also helpful to set up both short term and longer term goals. For example, as a couple--what goals do you have for the next 30 days? 90 days? 6 months? 9 months? a year?  It's not unusal for people to aim for big goals that can't actually be accomplished so quickly. We advocate breaking the goals down into little steps. There's a great sense of mastery when you're able to accomplish one little goal/step  at a time. We'd love to hear some of the goals you've begun to craft together as a couple.  Take care.  Dori Mintzer

The Movie UP is a poignant and funny "must see" for all ages

I recently saw the Pixar movie UP with my son and husband --and recommend it for all ages. In its lovely, colorful, animated way it shows the journey of life from the innocence of childhood with its heroes and dreams to the second half of life with losses and disappointments.  We share in the dreams and sadness of childhood sweethearts, Ellie and Carl, as they grow old together. After Ellie dies, Carl, a 78 year old grumpy widower and former balloon salesman sets out to fulfill Ellie's dreams. In the journey that follows, in spite of himself, Carl becomes an "action hero" who has to confront his childood hero, connects with Russell (an Adventure Scout who wants to earn his badge by helping old people), Kevin, a colorful bird,  and Dug, a wonderful talking dog, and ultimately, finds his own connections and purpose and meaning for his life. I've over- simplified this, but it's well worth seeing! I'd love to hear your reactions once you've seen the movie.  

Starting the Conversation

We often teach what we most need to learn. It occurred to me one day while preparing a talk for a speaking engagement that my husband and I had never seriously talked about "what's next". We did finally meet with our financial advisor to review "what's left" and that was a necessary, if not discouraging, reality check. But I talk with couples all the time about those "must have" conversations and know how important it is. So what were we avoiding? Disagreement! I've finally discovered my life's work which I love. After retiring several times he is ready to leave the corporate world, do something more creative and satisfying and spend more time together. He would like to live in California, I don't want to leave friends and family in New England. Lots to talk about and we're finally doing it. It's not always easy but we're working towards aligning our goals and vision. In the process we are learning more about "who" we are and what's important to each of us at this time in our lives.

Welcome to our new blog

Bob Dylan was right-- times certainly are a-changing in many ways. This is especially true in regard to retirement issues and thinking about how to approach the second half of our life. Even the concept of retirement is changing--by choice or life circumstance. Hopefully we're all living longer and healthier and may choose to be in the work force in paid or unpaid work for a longer time. It's hard enough for an individual to make these decisions --and then becomes particularly challenging for couples. This blog is a chance to think together about the challenges couples face in preparing for this time of life. Have you begun to contemplate any of these issues? Have you started any of these conversations with your spouse or partner? We'd love to hear from you.