Couple's Retirement Puzzle

Positive Aging Conference

Hi all--First of all, we want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy 2010. Roberta and I recently attended the Positive Aging Conference at Eckard College, St. Petersburg, Florida. We presented an overview of our model from our upcoming book: The Couples Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life. Our book will be available in October, 2010.

The model was well received and we're looking forward to providing training for professionals as well as workshops and support groups for couples. We have a new website for our book: www.couplesretirementpuzzle.com.  We hope you'll sign up for our emails and updates on the book as well as resources and tips. As 2010 begins we plan more active blog posts and welcome your questions, comments and ideas.

Many individulas set up resolutions for the new year. It's also helpful for couples to set up goals and resolutions--to be accomplished this year--but it's also helpful to set up both short term and longer term goals. For example, as a couple--what goals do you have for the next 30 days? 90 days? 6 months? 9 months? a year?  It's not unusal for people to aim for big goals that can't actually be accomplished so quickly. We advocate breaking the goals down into little steps. There's a great sense of mastery when you're able to accomplish one little goal/step  at a time. We'd love to hear some of the goals you've begun to craft together as a couple.  Take care.  Dori Mintzer

Role Models and More

Five couples came together to reflect on their journey of retirement transition. They ranged from 68 to 92 years young. With honesty, humility and humor they shared stories of joy and sorrow, vulnerability and resilience, success and disappointment,  and the impact of illness, disability, and loss. They were the last of the focus group series for the upcoming book, The Couples Retirement Puzzle: A Guide for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life that I'm writing with my friend and colleague, Dori Mintzer.

Stereotypes of elders were challenged as we listened to moving accounts of how hopes and dreams had been realized or reconciled. Dori and I felt privileged to be witnessing the telling of these inspiring stories. We heard about acceptance of life on life's terms; longevity; "it gives you more time to put the pieces of your life's puzzle together"; how spirituality deepens in midlife and career change can fulfill passions and dreams. For one woman being a wife and homemaker was  the most gratifying part of her life. Another started her own business at the ageof seventy six. An 82 year old man said the past ten years have been the most productive of his life.

The conversation could have lasted for hours. Several people commented that talking with their peers had been an enlivening experience and they wanted more. These wise elders, role models, mentors, and teachers generously shared the wisdom of their vast experience.

The group unanimously agreed that advice giving wasn't helpful but offered some of their thoughts about life:

• Helping others is the key to life
• Follow your heart
• The greatest gift is doing what you love and living your life purpose
• Retirement is not an ending
• Forget the word "no" when it comes to your spouse
• Go out and make new friends
• Plan for the unexpected
• Keep a balance in life
• Regrets are a waste of time
• Your memory will live on in the hearts of those who know and love you
• If you don't know how to play...learn

Wise elders need to be acknowledged. They are eager to share their stories and lessons learned to help guide and enrich our lives.

Welcome to our new blog

Bob Dylan was right-- times certainly are a-changing in many ways. This is especially true in regard to retirement issues and thinking about how to approach the second half of our life. Even the concept of retirement is changing--by choice or life circumstance. Hopefully we're all living longer and healthier and may choose to be in the work force in paid or unpaid work for a longer time. It's hard enough for an individual to make these decisions --and then becomes particularly challenging for couples. This blog is a chance to think together about the challenges couples face in preparing for this time of life. Have you begun to contemplate any of these issues? Have you started any of these conversations with your spouse or partner? We'd love to hear from you.