Couple's Retirement Puzzle

Book Review, The Couple's Retirement Puzzle, USAToday on-line, 11/28/2011

Check out the November 28, 2011, USAToday online review of our book by Kerry Hannon, a nationally acclaimed free-lance journalist who specializes in personal finance and retirement and author of her own book: What's Next? Follow Your Passion and Find your Dream Job.

As Hannon states, "Having someone to grow old with is great and helps defray stress. It frequently provides financial support, and, of course, a human bond that's priceless. But unless you have a general roadmap that you're both following, it can get pretty complicated. ..

Taylor and Mintzer hit on some key concerns ...and provide practical questions to get you started... (Their) mission is to present a strategy to start the conversations that help couples tackle some pieces of the puzzle. Most couples aren't going to agree on everything. But if you can communicate, you can find solutions....

Getting these hot-button topics out front is uncomfortable and awkward, but step-by-step, the two relationship coaches direct a thoughtful conversational process to ease you along...It's ultimately freeing to have these conversations about money matters and dreams, but lack of smooth communication tools trips us up. Simply put, it's hard to get started. Even when you do, it's easy to become frustrated and angry when your partner doesn't share your future goals...

The take-away: Couples need to start talking about retirement well before they get there, and reassess as circumstances change...Some people are better at it than others, but the authors promise if you practice being a good listener, are open to concessions and remember to share something positive that you learned about each other after each conversation, it will make the process a little easier."

To read the entire review go to USAToday on line: http://www.usatoday.com/money/books/reviews/story/2011-11-28/Couples-Retirement-Puzzle/51444298/1.

Couple's Retirement Puzzle Featured on Alivehood

Roberta and I were recently interviewed on Karma Kitaj's YouTube show, Alivelihood: New Careers As We Age.  I've embedded the interview below for you to enjoy.

Making Retirement Plans: Making Decisions Together

There was a time when people did not need to think about when to retire; their employer or organization decided for them. Retirement benefits were more secure and often more generous but, with a shorter life span twenty-plus years ago, many people did not live long after they retired.

Decisions can feel complicated when the timing of retirement is up to you. You may be asking, how will retiring now affect our financial future? Am I bored, tired of what I’m doing or just burnt out? Am I supposed to retire because I’m sixty-two or sixty-five, or whatever the age may be?

Many people in their sixties and seventies love what they do and have no plans to stop working in the foreseeable future. Others may have lost their jobs due to layoffs and downsizing, but are not ready to retire. On the other hand, some younger boomers in their fifties still dream of an early

Having accurate information and facts and talking about how you feel will help you make decisions you’re able to live with. Whether you are in your fifties, sixties, or seventies, you need to think carefully about how you want to use your assets and resources. Hopefully you can still have fun and do the things that are important in your life, but be sure to consider the pros and cons so that you can make informed choices.

The most important part of decision making is communication. Some couples, like Sharon and Clarence, have based their relationship on good communication, planning ahead, and making decisions together. 

Here is their story:

Sharon and Clarence began planning their future after they had their first child forty years ago. Retiring together in their early sixties was the vision they are now living. They are both retired from full-time careers but work a few days a week in their respective fields. Part-time work allows them the time and extra income to visit their children, travel and enjoy their lifestyle.

Sharon continues to receive health insurance through the school department where she had worked for thirty-five years. Sharon and Clarence communicate well and make important decisions together. They share similar values and goals and are able to compromise and negotiate differences. For them, the decision about when and how to retire fit into the long-term plan they developed together.

There are many variables and considerations in making the decision to retire, but it is important to be clear about two questions: “Why now?” and “What do I want to retire to?”  You and your partner can begin to get on the same page with your retirement vision when you thoroughly explore these two questions.

New "Couple's Retirement Puzzle" book featured in Wall St. Journal

The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transition to the Second Half of Life was recently mentioned on March 21, 2011, in an excellent WSJ article by Kathleen Hughes, "He Says Maine, She Says Florida: How Couples Navigate One of the Trickiest Retirement Issues: Where to Live." 

Hughes interviewed dozens of couples, therapists, educators and marriage counselors across the country. She spoke with Roberta Taylor and me about our book and our experiences with couples around this important issue. As Hughes pointed out in the article, "If any single tactic can ease the strains, it's to start the conversations early-years before actually retiring. Avoid the 11th hour bombshell at all costs. Starting the conversation early is a key in the process."

Here's one thing to remember for couples  -- if couples can begin to talk about the issues, they really do get to know what is important to each of them -- they can develop a shared vision. 

Also pointed out in the article is the notion that the resolution isn't always easy and takes time and many conversations.  Couples may reach compromises, create different timelines and sometimes agree to living in separate places at some point in their relationship. This later arrangement is referred to as  LAT, living apart together.  The issues of where to live is one of the "10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life."

Our book is available on Amazon.com, BN.com and can be ordered from book stores. We encourage you to ask your libraries to order a copy.   Or, you can buy your copy of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle here directly from us.

We welcome your comments.

 

The Couple's Retirement Puzzle Now for Sale!

You can now buy your own copy of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle directly from Amazon.com

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We hope you enjoy it!

 

Update on Couple's Retirement Puzzle Book publication

We’re excited that our book is nearing completion. Look for information on our website www.couplesretirementpuzzle.com

To keep up to date on its progress. We’re ready to make this blog more active. Send your stories about your retirement transition and any questions that you might have. We look forward to connecting with all of you.  Roberta and Dori

Book Review: Next Steps: A Practical Guide to Planning for The Best Half of Your Life

I recently read a book that I think is helpful for all of us as we plan for the next half of our own life or are helping our parents, in-laws or others plan for their lives. It's helpful for individuals and also particularly helpful for couples since they discuss many of the issues in relation to couples.  It's called Next Steps: A Practical Guide to Planning for the Best Half of Your Life--Trusted Advice on How to Secure Your Future and Avoid Costly Mistakes, by Jan Warner & Jan Collins. It's based on their nationally syndicated cloumn "Next Steps."

There are all sorts of reasons why many of us avoid discussing these issues. But, given my philosophy of trying to control the parts of life we can control,it's important for all of us to think ahead and plan for ourselves, our partner, our children (if we have them), our parents (if they're still alive) and even our pets. It's actually a form of "insurance" to protect ourselves and our loved ones--to consciously and intentionally plan for the next stage of our lives. Our up-coming book, The Couples Retirement Puzzle: The 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning  to the Second Half of Life focuses on many of the conversations that are important to have. This book, Next Steps, provides some legal and practical "nuts and bolts" regarding how to prepare for this next half of life.

Bottom line, in Next Steps, the authors discuss the importance of putting our wishes and directions in writing so there will be an "orderly transfer of authority" so we know that our partner, children, parents, and even our pets will be cared for. They cover issues such a putting together a team of people that is right for you, ways to understand and prepare the documents we need, and a lot of the "what ifs" in life--such as if you or your partner become chronically ill or incapacited. They also focus on issues such as health care planning, long term care issues, and understanding basic medicare and medicaid issues as well as basic patient's rights in assisted living and nursing home facilities. They also focus on issues such as divorce, 2nd or 3rd marriages when we're older, cohabitation and domestic partnerships. The final section of the book focuses on end of life issues such as funerals, burials, organ donations, planning for pets, etc. It's important to understand the issues and risks and choose professionals who can help us maximize our options. We're including this book as a resource in our book. I'm a believer that we can breathe more easily once we know that we've taken the time to prepare for some of the possible contigencies in life. My husband and I have already done many of the things they've mentioned in the book, and i found it helpful to become aware of some additional things. It's helpful reading for ourselves and also if we're in a caretaking role with any older relatives or friends. If you check the book out, we'd love to hear your thoughts. Take care.  Dori

Positive Aging Conference

Hi all--First of all, we want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy 2010. Roberta and I recently attended the Positive Aging Conference at Eckard College, St. Petersburg, Florida. We presented an overview of our model from our upcoming book: The Couples Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life. Our book will be available in Spring 2011.

The model was well received and we're looking forward to providing training for professionals as well as workshops and support groups for couples. We have a new website for our book: www.couplesretirementpuzzle.com.  We hope you'll sign up for our emails and updates on the book as well as resources and tips. As 2010 begins we plan more active blog posts and welcome your questions, comments and ideas.

Many individulas set up resolutions for the new year. It's also helpful for couples to set up goals and resolutions--to be accomplished this year--but it's also helpful to set up both short term and longer term goals. For example, as a couple--what goals do you have for the next 30 days? 90 days? 6 months? 9 months? a year?  It's not unusal for people to aim for big goals that can't actually be accomplished so quickly. We advocate breaking the goals down into little steps. There's a great sense of mastery when you're able to accomplish one little goal/step  at a time. We'd love to hear some of the goals you've begun to craft together as a couple.  Take care.  Dori Mintzer

Communication Assessment for Couples

Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to retirement or are you reading different books? This simple assessment will help you get a quick glimpse into how you each view your communication around some important topics.

Instructions: Do the assessment separately and then share your results.

Put a T after the statements you believe are True. Notice the areas that you may need to be talking more about.

1.  My partner and I make important decisions together.

2.  We agree on how to manage our finances and resources.

3.  We have planned our timetable for retirement.

4.  Conversations have included our hopes and dreams for the future.

5.  We spend time together doing things we both enjoy.

6.  We agree that we need to have time together as well as time apart.

7.  We have planned for our future medical and health care needs.

8.  Intimacy and affection are an important part of our relationship.

9.  We agree on obligations and responsibilities to family.

10. Social and community connections are a satisfying part of our lives.

Where do you fall on the scale below? How many T’s do you have in common? Remember, this is meant to be a helpful indicator for opening up communication. No blaming or shaming allowed!

10  Give each other a big hug. You’re ready to write the “How To” book for couples.
6-9  Sounds like you’re in synch. Ongoing communication is important as you plan for
         what’s next.
5-8    You’re on the right track. Practice listening to each other and sharing what’s important to you.
1-4    You’re not alone. Many couples need help talking about some of the important issues related to retirement and what’s next.

Let us know how you did.  Got questions?  Ask them here on the blog in the comments section.

Planning for retirement improves the chances for a happy ending

Over a thousand people between the ages of 55 and 75 were recently polled by  AARP The Magazine to see how marriages were affected when one or both partners retired. The results indicated that 74 percent were happier in retirement, 21 percent reported that retirement led to increased tension. According to Features Editor, Gabrielle Redford, the percentage of those reporting increased tension would have been lower if those couples had planned for retirement.

When couples do plan for retirement decisions can be made jointly and there are fewer surprises.  Ironically, couples seem to spend more time planning vacations than they do planning the next part of their life.