Five couples came together to reflect on their journey of retirement transition. They ranged from 68 to 92 years young. With honesty, humility and humor they shared stories of joy and sorrow, vulnerability and resilience, success and disappointment, and the impact of illness, disability, and loss. They were the last of the focus group series for the upcoming book, The Couples Retirement Puzzle: A Guide for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life that I'm writing with my friend and colleague, Dori Mintzer.
Stereotypes of elders were challenged as we listened to moving accounts of how hopes and dreams had been realized or reconciled. Dori and I felt privileged to be witnessing the telling of these inspiring stories. We heard about acceptance of life on life's terms; longevity; "it gives you more time to put the pieces of your life's puzzle together"; how spirituality deepens in midlife and career change can fulfill passions and dreams. For one woman being a wife and homemaker was the most gratifying part of her life. Another started her own business at the ageof seventy six. An 82 year old man said the past ten years have been the most productive of his life.
The conversation could have lasted for hours. Several people commented that talking with their peers had been an enlivening experience and they wanted more. These wise elders, role models, mentors, and teachers generously shared the wisdom of their vast experience.
The group unanimously agreed that advice giving wasn't helpful but offered some of their thoughts about life:
- Helping others is the key to life
- Follow your heart
- The greatest gift is doing what you love and living your life purpose
- Retirement is not an ending
- Forget the word "no" when it comes to your spouse
- Go out and make new friends
- Plan for the unexpected
- Keep a balance in life
- Regrets are a waste of time
- Your memory will live on in the hearts of those who know and love you
- If you don't know how to play...learn
Wise elders need to be acknowledged. They are eager to share their stories and lessons learned to help guide and enrich our lives.
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